I had a conversation with myself about who I thought I was and times I thought it was love when it was actually the other way around.
So many things inside trying to get out that I was afraid to say out loud but I wouldn’t hesitate to say it now.
— I’m black and I’m proud!
But decolonization takes a while so I’m changing my name because the white man I got it from didn’t live this foul.
When you call my name, don’t say his.
I’m burning the bridge.
Never give power to their legacy off the things that I did.
I started off just tryna take the chains off
but this psychological warfare got my brain off so it’s game on…
It was all set up like a chess board that you play on.
It’s hard tryna spot the grey areas between the black and white so we started shaking dice but playing monopoly takes long…
Them late capitalism nights last longer than your life is.
The stakes is high so I gotta raise my children like they spy kids.
I gotta show em the ropes.
Tell em bout the love I found and show em it’s dope.
Teach em bout their history and show em it’s hope.
I wonder if they’ll notice it though?
I wonder if they’ll go with flow, but you know how it go.
You gotta let kids be kids and allow them to grow.
I hate coming off as cynical.
But surely the day will come when I’ll have to tell my son,
“This world ain’t meant for you. Nothing’s going to come hand picked for you. If you want it, you gotta make it happen. Try to not to get caught up in distractions, stay focused. Everything isn’t as it appears and you may notice. So strive hard because what I’m telling you is only the surface.”
And that’s only the beginning.
I’ll have to tell him about the times I was told the same things but didn’t listen.
I just hope he can handle the mission once it’s given and that he’ll hold his position versus the opposition.
Decolonization isn’t a metaphor.
Children are our future so that’s who I strive to be better for.
And I feel ashamed passing down this colonial name.
Can’t expect things to change if I continue to do the same.
How can I teach my son about where he came from if I can’t describe where we got our name from?
But I gotta tell em something…
I gotta tell em…